we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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