He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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