I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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