The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
