Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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