I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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