got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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