Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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