It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
