girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
