I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
