At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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