Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
