Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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