I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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