where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
