is your mom at the bar?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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