What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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