god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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