So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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