Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
