and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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