found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
