Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
