Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize