JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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