I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
