I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
