you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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