New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
