I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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