and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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