So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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