covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
