You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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