The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
