is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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