I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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