im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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