I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
