I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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