Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
