Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
