I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
