i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
