I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize