those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
