I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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