and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
