there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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