Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
