Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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