They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
