Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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