Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
