'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
