You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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