How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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