The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
