one two three fourrrrnication!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
