what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
