Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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