Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
