My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
