If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are the jesus of drinking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
