went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize