She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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