You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
