Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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