He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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