I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
