i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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