No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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