Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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