capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
