Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize