To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
