Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize