I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
