I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
