Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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