yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
