Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
