No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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