A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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