i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
