Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
