We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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