i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize