next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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