Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
