I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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