I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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