we have pet lesbian snakes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
