You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
