You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
