So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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