I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
