I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
