SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
