im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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