I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
