i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize